Help my fiance wants me to pay off his debt?
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Selfish-no way. But I would sure question his love for you. It sounds like this debt wieghs heavily on his mind, but to ask you to help even before youre married raises a red flag. If you paid all or part of his debt right now, what would keep him from walking out on you, leaving you with that much less and you would have to sue him in court to recover and he could say it was a pre-marital gift which would be almost impossibe to recover from him. Dangerous situation here. I dont mean to be mean here but I see this very situation all the time, where a person uses another in the name of love to pay off bills and then for some strange reason falls out of love with that person and says it was a gift. Not good but happens way too much, watch the TV courts. It really sounds like hes trying to take advantage of the situation for his own gain. His debts arent going to disappear overnight so why couldnt he wait til after the wedding or at least approached it in a different way that would be more comfortable to you. If I were you Id start really thinking about this and what could happen here. I maybe wrong but I have a really strong feeling about this and it isnt good. Please just think about this and really question his committment to you before you help him and please let me know so if I am wrong I can apologize deeply to you. Good luck
Sweetie, make him pay his own way. if it starts now, it will get even worse when you are married, and then half becomes his.DO NOT DO IT.
You better wake up and see that you are about to be used and abused! Don't give this guy a dime! He has way too much 'baggage' for you.. tell him to take along hike and find someone who is not money hungry!
Do NOT do it.
Do NOT do it.
Leave the money alone.
You are NOT selfish. That is YOUR money. NOT his.
He is the selfish pig. He is using you. He got himself in that mess. I would wait until he got rid of that debt himself before marriage. In fact, I would seriously think about marrying him. Think about why he got a divorce in the first place. Was he bullying his ex wife like he is bullying you? Was he violent? What is other people's versions of the divorce? Make an appointment with HER hairdresser and find out the real story.
excuse me for saying this,to hell with him...
dont be foolish. looks like he has put attachments on the relationship alreday.
Keep your money and walk away babe.
It will not work and your money will be gone.. might sound crude and rude, but it appears he only wants you to pay his debts.
DONT DO IT..
Oh yeaah, I would really jump on that rolling train...pay off all of his debts and he will be forever in your debt. NOT! He appears to trying to use the repayment of his debts as a condition of staying engaged to you. Give him the pink slip. Keep your stocks for your future. Remember that in most countries assests that are held prior to a marriage are still yours.
Bravo for you and you are not being selfish. You sound like someone who cannot be easily conned. There are a lot of people out there that need to find the same courage you have in standing up for what is yours and defending it no matter what.
Hold on tight to your money sweety..His financial problem isnt yours.I can understand if you want to help him a little bit ,but if he questions your love for him because you wont give up your hard earned savings,mabe you should stop and think if he really loves you or is he just wanting your money.Sounds funny to me.I would kick him to the curb..get the hell out while you can..Good luck to you.
no, you are not selfish. Tell him you want to help him pay off the debt and offer to go to a financial counselor with him. Tell him that you will help in any way except touching your retirement money. Once you are married, the debt becomes part of the marriage, so you would want to help elimanate that problem as soon as possible so it does not cause further arguements down the road.
What his X wife did to him was not fair.
He asking for the money you have saved, its not fair.
No, you should not give him your money
You ARE NOT selfish. You worked hard for what you have. Could it be HE'S USING YOU?? You ARE NOT married to this man. If he brings up the money issue again, give him his ring back and tell him to get lost. I would put money on fact that you told him about your savings before he asked you to marry him. He has no intention of marrying you. He just wants you to pay off his debt. So...the next time he mentions it...leave him for good. If you don't, he will clean you out and you will have nothing. It's HIS problem, not yours. Obviously you don't NEED his selfish-a*ss, but he surely needs you! OH..and the story about the wife taking him to the cleaners, that's his side. Find out what really happened. Maybe you should give her a call. I don't think this debt will be yours if you go through with this marriage because it occurred before you married. Tell him to get a second job and then you'll marry him. .PLEASE GET OUT NOW..godloveya.
I think you are doing the right thing by holding on to your money. You don't sound selfish,since you are thinking about you guy's futures.Explain to your fiance that you will not dip into the retirement money,but will try to contribute as much as you can to his debt. But remember it is his debt,if he really wanted it gone he would be doing everything possible to pay it off.
Tell him you will be glad to pay off his debts when he puts the money in your hand. why should you pay off his debts, you didn't create them. Better yet, why don't you bail out while you can. You've earned what you have, why give it away. You have every right to feel like a sellfish *****. I wouldn't want to go into a marriage knowing he's in that much debt. If you marry him and he falls short of paying his child support, who do you think will get the short end of the stick. Your taxes will also be affected.
Comprimise!! Tell him you'll pay half or a percentage of it! He can't expect you to pay it all thats not fair! And while your doing that go and give his bit*h of an ex wife a good swift kick up the ****!!!!
Don't you dare let yourself feel that way!
This debit is HIS!! Don't you dare pay his debit! He's the one not showing his love by saying that to you!!
DON'T DO IT! IF this jerk can talk to you like he is and has, he's just the type to take off running once you pay his debit!!
Let your ears work as well as you hope your head and heart are.
PLEASE don't help him out! I doubt he'd help you.
His wife probably had all right to take his butt to the cleaners too.
Never know, she could of had the house before she met him!
DON'T HELP HIM!!
He is the selfish one. Repeat that one thousand times.
Then repeat it again. If you marry this man, and I hope you don't, then know that you will never have a peaceful night.
Get a bit of reality into your relationship.
Did you know:
That if his circumstances have changed and he cannot afford his child support the court will order a reduction? So why hasn't he filed? Are you sure beyond sure, that the house, stocks, etc that he claimed were his, were really his, and not his ex wife's or his ex wife's families. Or are you only listening to him? Men like the one you have are a dime a dozen, only in his case its $28,000 for one. And that old 'if you loved me you'd give me your money"...well that just reeks confidence man. Look at it this way if he breaks off your engagement because you didn't give him the money, you have your money and your self respect. If you give him the money, and he takes off, you don't have your money or your self respect. If you break the engagement, you have your money, your self respect, and the opportunity to meet someone else who will respect your decision to look out for yourself.
Engaged for 3 months, but how long of a relationship? I have to wonder whether he knew about your savings (which it should remain) before or after the engagement. If you are truly in love, then I would figure out where the 28K in debt came from? Was it really from lawyer fees and items directly related to the divorce? Or, are they old credit card bills? Chances are, the debt was incurred together which says a lot about his previous lifestyle. A spender and a saver will always be at odds. You are not selfish you are realistic. In my opinion, the two of you need to put aside the debt issue and see how the two of you view money. I hope they are compatible
Now you know why he's divorced and his ex took him to the cleaners. Too bad she didn't clean his clock, too.
Dump this chump. He's a master manipulator.
I was in this exact same situation years ago. I stuck to my guns and did not give him the 18k he was asking for. Unfortunately, he managed to put my house up for collateral on a 2nd mortgage that tied up my house. He did this behind my back. I've resented him ever since and the fact is, I resented him for even asking for so much!
You MUST stick to your guns and not give in. Using your 'love' as a ploy is a manipulative act that will not stop at this if you give in. The way it really works is if you love him, you WON'T give it to him. It will cause problems between the two of you and he won't learn to get himself out of such situations. There are literally hundreds of books on the subject of debt reduction, money management, financing, etc. Go buy him a $10 book. It will provide for him for much longer. And, you most likely won't respect him if you GIVE him the money. Think about how much better you'd feel about him if he got himself out of this situation on his own. What a strong person to be able to do that! I know it seems cold and uncaring but it's actually self preservation and BOUNDARIES! You can support him and help him come up with ways to take care of this situation but you can not do it for him. What would have been more fair of him to ask and more 'team' (relationship) oriented is for you to help him find a way to deal with this, not to do it for him. It put you in a really awkward situation and truthfully, where does his love for you stand if he even thinks of asking you for this kind of $? Who is REALLY being selfish here?
There'd be no way I'd pay off anyone's debts. I'm not their personal financer and it's not my fault they didn't have an attorney on their side that allowed them to be taken to the cleaners. I'd make bigger diggs about it than he would and call it quits right then and there.
smart isn't selfish.
You need to ditch him. He is a predator and you are the prey. He will 'take you to the cleaners the way he says his wife took him there.
If you decide to allow this engagement to continue an attorney and a prenup would be the wisest decision you could possibly make. If he balks then the wedding should be a no-go. Men (and some women) often use the "if you really loved me" ploy (and that is exactly what it is!) to position themselves in a place of power and to get what they want. With no feelings of guilt about the consequences.
If you allow this to continue, he will use up your funds, drain you dry financially and emotionally. When he is done, he will move on to his next victim. You will then become the 'shrewish' ex who supposedly took him to the cleaners - he will tell the next victim the same things he is now telling you about his current ex.
You are not being selfish. It is your money, and you are not obligated to pay his debt. No respectable man would ask you to do that. Since he is asking, you might have cause to question if it is you he loves or your money. He is the one who made the choices that got him in the debt that he is in. Granted, he may not have had much choice in that matter, but it is not your responsibility. You did not make him marry this woman that "took him to the cleaners", he did that all on his own. The debt is his and he needs to pay it.
Your money is yours and you get to keep it. That is not selfish. You stated that you want to save it for emergencies and retirement. Those are good things to save money for. I suggest you think long and hard before you marry this man. He may not be worth it. If you are married, all your money becomes community property.
Nope..
You are marrying him, not buying him...
Honey his affairs from a previous marriage should be his own responsibly. I'm shocked he would even ask you to help him. First of all you two are not even married yet. Tell him you adore him and truly love him but that you did not create his mess with his ex wife an he needs to man-up and handle his own. Keep your money for your self you never know if you might need it!! If your money makes him question ur love for him then maybe you should question his motives??Watch out baby girl this man sounds like he may be a user..Good luck!
I say do it because when you are married he will get all of that money anyway, besides don't you love him and want ot help him??
You need to tell him that you question his love for you if he is willing to let you wipe out half of your savings to bail him out of a situation that he got himself in to. Of course, when you get married this debt will be a common debt and you will be responsible for it too. This is why I am suggesting that perhaps you have a little longer engagement than you may have planned in order for him to start paying down that debt before you get together.
DON'T YOU DARE!
His past debts are his problems. He has no right to make you feel like they are your responsibility to pay them.
Runnnnnnnnnn my good friend did that with now ex husband its not a good thing.
you are only responsible for your own bills,you need to set some boundaries with this man,set limits on what you will and won't do,protect yourself first. taking responsibility for his past mistakes or giving into his demands will destroy love.he is very manipulative, and this is something that should not fall upon your shoulders.don't volunteer you money on a silver platter to this controller.you have choices here, and he is just a fiance not a husband, i wouldn't say this was a supportive relationship and this is just the tip of the iceburg on what you can expect from him, and often times when they get all they can get off you and the money is gone they also will move on to someone else they can use again. don't lend him the money.
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