Please help was i wrong to turn down my bf of 4yrs when he asked me to pay off his debt of 25k?

Question:

we just became engaged 4 mons ago.about 2 weeks after tom asked me to help pay off his debt.this dept is not from a medical emergency but from guilt.he cheated and left his wife and child for a old gf(not me)and when he did he gave his wife everything(bank accounts,stocks,car,house,ect)... along with a huge child support payment left him in debt.i know this sounds mean but i have worked hard for what i have and feel i should not have to pay for his "mistakes".i know he thinks i'm selfish for not helping him but i feel he made these decisions that put him in debt.plus after 6yrs he still feels guilty for what he did(rightfully so) and his exwife uses that guilt to get what she wants.so if i pay off his debt i feel that will just free up more extra money he can give her.he already pays her child support/health/daycare cost.

Answer:
And your worried about this loser because....

No, you were not wrong. you did what your gut told you to do. good for you for sticking to your convictions

you were not wrong for doing what you did.you have every right to turn him down. its not your place to pay off his debt.not only that you do it once and he will expect it all the time.

i think you should pay a partion of it that way u can say you helped and maybe your bf can pay the rest...and maybe his ex will not take so much $$$

you are right...and you should make sure you keep your money legally separate from this guy...and perhaps really take a look at whether or not you want to marry this l o s e r. It sounds like he had this all planned out now doesn't it?!

absolutely not. if he feels so gulity about his situation and wants to be a man about it then he needs to figure a way to get himself out of a situation he put himself in. he should feel guilty for even even asking you to do such a thing. are you sure he ain't just using you.

sounds to me like he is searching for the next sugar momma down the line and you happen to be "her".. You need to have enough gall to "love em and leave em".. Dont get involved with all that mess.. Thank God you are not married to him now.. You dont need that.. You worked hard for you guilt free money, dont go get sucked in with his debts... Just politely tell him no.. AND.. dont marry him until he is debt free..if you do plan on to at all.. (child support wont stop until his kids are 18 though)

Do not waste anymore time or money on this young man.
Tell him that you will marry him after he pays off the $25K on his own. He needs financial counseling - let him call consumer credit counseling and find out how to fix his own problems - and yes his problems will become yours if you marry him. Be careful.

No you were not wrong. That was wrong of him to even ask. Save yourself for someone who has respect for you. If you helped him once he will be expecting it again and again.
Save yourself!

I had to read this twice. It would create an unhealthy imbalance in your relationship. Why should you pay for his mistakes (you said so yourself, and you were right). You would also be paying to support another woman, that isn't right, either. Maybe it's time to find a more mentally stable man.

No, you are most definitely not wrong. He is wrong for having even asked you. I can't help wondering if that is why he asked you to marry him. I mean 2 weeks after he's asking you to do this for him? I'm thinking he asked you to marry him thinking that would more likely get you to say yes to paying off his debt. I'm glad he asked before you two got married though. Because then you might feel obligated to him and therefore feel as though you should pay it for him. Either way, engaged or married, you do not have to. I for one, hope you don't.

Please help was i wrong to turn down my bf of 4yrs when he asked me to pay off his debt of 25k?

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