My bf (soon to be married)asked me to pay off his debt of 21k what should i do?
Question:
Answer:
If you've got the benjis, you should do it. Once you get married, his debt will be your debt, and vice versa.
TELL HIM TO GET A BETTER JOB AND PAY IT OFF HIMSELF GIRL!
Give the 21k to me instead. I promise I will put it to better use than your boyfriend.
when you marry him, it's gonna be both his and your debt.
I personally would tell him to go jump in a lake and pay his own durn bills!
You can't be serious. Run, and keep running. The psycho ex and kids are not going anywhere, nor are your $ problems.
I wouldn't pay it.
quit given him money
He shouldn't have asked you for the money in the first place, it is his mess so he must deal with it. I wouldn't give him the money if I were you. Remember that the number one cause of break ups is for financial disagreements.
no... have a bithcy meeting with his ex wife..
then marry him and divorce him, and have him give you everything out of guilt too.
When you marry someone, you are marrying not just that person, but that person's history, his finances, his brothers, sisters, parents, etc. Marriage is an agreement to be partners, and you must assume a partnership with the financial issue as well.
do not be suckered into paying off his debts...he needs to take care of that...not you.
I think that he should pay off his own debt. You will be there to help him with food, clothes, shelter, etc. So in that way you are contributing... but I don't think you should dish out 21k for it.
You are not a bad person at all.
Thats rough, no your not bad your just being rational. He seems to have acted on impulse and just got it over with. I wouldnt pay it off for hm but help him and make a plan to work the debt down. I mean if you switch roles and you were in debt people would probably just call you a gold digger, so dont feel bad about not handing the cash over.
I'd want him to get his old house in order before setting up in a new home. This could be a big issue in your marriage and for your own protection you need to make sure that your economic security isn't threatened by an outside entity, whether it is an exwife or whatever.
I wouldn't give it to him. Even though you love him it is his responsibility-he put himself in his situation you didn't so just be suppportive emotionally through this not financially.
He should pay, not you.
After your married, it will be your debt as well as his.
I don't think you should give him any money. Let him pay for himself. He's a big boy. It seems like he's trying to con you into paying for him and his "ex" wife. It's happened many times in the past and it might be happening again. I'd halt any future plans and have this guy checked out. If you do decide to marry him, talk to an attorney first and have a pre-nup drawn up that he must sign before-hand. If he refused to sign it then his intentions aren't honorable and good riddance.
Hate to say it, but if you marry him, that debt becomes your debt. I'm not saying to pay it off for him, but it's something you might want to think about before you get married. If you do decide to marry him, probably pay it off before you marry, (so you won't be paying it off PLUS interest.) Just make sure that you and he have agreed that NO money is to go to her except what is owed to her per their settlement. If she claims the kid needs something, he can buy that thing directly for the kid.
I think the two of you should go for some couples counseling and some financial counseling. If you are feeling this way now, how will you feel in two years, 8 years...
Do you realize that by marrying him you become responsible for his debts? child support? You name it. Your assets may be taken to cover his responsibilities.
He is using you and you should talk to him. If he really loves and cares about you, he will understand how you feel. He shouldn't have ask you in the first place. He should take his responsibility.
But one question is why he feels guilty about leaving his family. Did he leave them because of you. If yes, you have to share his responsibility and you shouldn't blam his ex-wife going on cruises. Otherwise, talk to him and make the right decision.
Red flag.waving.in the wind....
Ask yourself now, how much grief he is worth...cause you're going to get 10 times what your blind love is allowing you to see now.
He should have never asked you to pay off his debt.
That is his debt that he created in a situation that had nothing to do with you.
He should be an adult and begin paying the debt off himself. 21k sounds like a lot of money but if he really wants to pay it he can develop a plan and get it paid back.
He is responsible for his own actions and you for yours. Just because you are getting married does not give him access to your hard earned (and saved) money!
Be smart and reconsider marrying someone that wants to empty your savings account before you are even married...
Absolutly not! Also keep you accounts seperate and file seperately at tax time. He sounds careless with money, which is a big factor in fights. I am not usually so mean but how tacky to ask YOU to take on his debt. Keep it seperate and remeber that debt he racked up before you marry is his problem.
I know you love him, but that is not your situation to get into. He caused that on his own, and it is not up to you to bail him out. Who knows if you'll get your money back, and if I were you, I would be highly upset if my money sent her on a cruise while I'm sitting at home wondering why I gave her my wedding money! I say you just sit to the side and let him work this out. Now if he keeps struggling, then you can lend him something, but not the whole 21k. He is not your husband yet. This doesn't make you a bad person at all. Like you said, he put his self in this predicament, so let him figure out how he's going to get out.
Hopefully you still have separate bank accounts. You could compromise, and help him pay for part of it, on the condition he doesn't give her anymore money. After that it's a trust issue. Or if you're really saving the money for something special ie a house, new car, then just let him know that you'd rather save the money for these items. If you give him the money, you guys will just end up in more debt yourself. So the better option for him would just work with that old debt, and you might be able to help him monthly without having to dip into your savings.
It doesn`t sound like you guys are really a couple so i would postpone any wedding.
It doesn't matter how she chooses to spend HER money as long as the children are taken care of. If you keep looking at it the way you do, it's going to drive you crazy. I WOULD NOT give him that kind of cash to pay off his debt. If anything, I would pay it off a little at a time over a long period. This way it's a good balance of his own earnings and less of your money. The very thought he even ask seems weird to me. I can't imagine.
You definitely should not pay off his debts. I can't believe he would even ask such a thing. Money issues is the biggest reason marriages end in divorce. Make sure you two are on the same page when it comes to money and paying bills. It sounds like he spends even though he doesn't have it which will be a huge problem. He shouldn't be funding anything for his ex-wife other than child support. He's still too emotionally attached to his ex-wife to give her money when she pours on the guilt yet she's able to go on cruises and he's not. Go to counseling before you get married to help with these problems. Good Luck!
It sounds if you understand how to manage you money well, maybe you could teach him something about the value of money. A little bit can be understandable but 21k is a lot. We all have debt at one point in our life, but if someone is there to pull us out we can never learn the important lesson of getting our self out of the hole. I and my son left a cheating wife with only $700 dollars in my pocket and a whole lot more to pay later. After the divorce I had plenty of debt. Three years later I am better off. I learned how to manage the money.
More Questions & Answers...