Question about teen age son regarding college & getting engaged..?
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BigM,
good God! Didn't we just get so excited that he was "off to College", that you did something special for him to commemorate his achievements etc.? Well, LOVE can be both the apple fruit and the apple seed stuck between ones teeth. No football scholarship means NO $$$ to pay for school which means late night jobs and student loans - yuck! Is there any possible way you could speak to him NOT of the "you're too young to get married point" (that will get you NO WHERE); but, of the "look at what you will now have to pay for in School, Living, books, and food, and this list goes on POINT".
BigM - you and I seem to have the same similar mind on this college thing based on our passed discussions. Please feel free to contact me off line and I will be happy to share some additional thoughts, insights, and suggestions for you to consider - I am not prepared to lay this all out here on the Y!A location.
As always - best to you!
Well, I'm 22 and I've been in this type of situation with my own mother. I'm married now, and lived with my now husband since I was 19. I was in college when I met him, fell in love, school didn't seem as important all of a sudden. My husband lived in another state than my school was, and to be with him, I dropped out. My mother tried really hard to talk me out of doing it, but to be honest, I don't think she could have said anything that would have completely changed my mind. I'm sorry, but if you're son is anything like me (strong, stubborn, and independant) then it is not likely you can stop him from making this mistake. I regret what I did now...now I know that my husband would have been there later, but college isn't. (I lost a full scholarship over this). Sure I can go back now, but it's going to be out of my own pocket. This was 3 years ago, and I'm still not financially stable enough to go back. As hard as it is for you to do, let him make his own mistakes. Worrying about a solution that probably isn't there, is just going to make you miserable. Just let him know that you do think he would be making his life harder by changing schools, and that paying for college on his own will be hard for him, but you respect any decision he makes. Make sure to throw in that you would like to pay for him to switch schools, but you just can't do it, financially. This way, he'll know that you're not going to bail him out, without you having to come straight out and say this. Saying that straight out sounds more like a threat, and that may just push him farther in the other direction. After you've said your piece, just be there for him. And if he does make a mistake, and he comes to you to tell you how bad it sucks that he made that decision, don't say I told you so. That will only make him not want to confide anything else in you. No one needs salt rubbed into their wounds. My mother just recently in the past year or so, let it go. And the two years of having to listen to "I can't believe you did that", and "Your life will never be as good as it could have been" have really changed my relationship with her. I know I screwed up, and I don't need her to point it out repeatedly. So just don't make the same mistakes she did. Your relationship with your son is basically all you have control over at this point. I think you know deep down that there isn't much you can do to force him to do the right thing.
Let him know it is a bad idea to get in a marriage in the middle of school and that should get finished first and to see if she can go ot the school where he has a scholarship. I know it may seem hard to tell him this and that he probably wont listen anyway. good luck
Wow, thats a hard one, and once a kid has there mind made up it is pretty hard to change it, have you tryed asking him why she can't go to dana college, she must understand this scholarship is important, wouldnt she be willing to change to that college instead of him going to hers...that would be a great solution...i really don't know what advice you could give him that he'd listen to, sometimes kids have to learn on there own i guess, pray about it.God bless
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