Should we "adopt" me fiance's little brother?
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I think it would be nice for you to do it but I also think that you and your fiance are going to be married soon and you are going to need privacy. You don't need someone with his problems coming in and creating tension for you and your fiance. It's hard enough nowadays to make a relationship work. I would gracefully decline.
Its sounds like a hard desicion. Maybe sleep on it and see what ppl here say. I wish i could offer some advice but im just left blank
sounds like a tough thing to do. you are both young and probably don't have time for the chid's needs. i am sure the state would help with finances. talk to your social services office.
extended families are problems, if there is a way of being responsible for that child without bringing him to your home, that's the best solution, because you will find that for no reasons you begin to have problems with your hubby, when the child lives with you.
I fell for the 13 year old in this situation, but what about the other three. You are not worried about them?? I would call child protective services myself, they are not always great but you know they are in a bad situation now. Why would you only take in one?? It sounds like the mother is just not up to caring for her son because he is getting past the young and innocent stage. Get them all out of the house Now!
Sounds like the mom needs to get her CRAP together. The easy way out for her is for you guys to take responsibility of her 13 yr old. That is really not a good start for you guys, beside how will you guys survive on $8/hr?? He needs to find another job, and you also need to help out.
It sounds like being with you would be best for him. At 13, boys are looking for a male figure to model himself after. In his current home, it looks as if that will never happen.
I say, take him in. And don't ever let the boy feel like he is burdening you and your fiance. He needs you two.
That's a really hard question...
1.) It's going to put a lot of strain on your relationship with your fiance if he moves in.
2.) Financial wise can you afford it?
3.) It would be a very generous thing to do.
4.) If her mother asked you to take one and you do is she going to ask you to take the others?
Just a few questions you probably already thought of that you should really consider before making a big decision.
GOOD LUCK!
I think you have no choice but to leave him with the family even though hes being abused(I would strongly contact children's services if this persists and if the child is being involved,its not healthy) if you and your fiance were to take this child in you all may be in trouble.(i.e. not being able to pay for expenses)Think whats best for you guys.
If your fiance wants to care for his brother, he should, but he should move out on his own with his brother and put the marriage on hold and deal with it. It would not be a good idea to marry him under these circumstances, or live with him.
But in any event, your fiance can't afford to raise a 13 year old kid on $8 an hour. In fact, neither one of you can afford the time or money.
If you think you have it in your heart to help this boy out, then you can make the sacrifices needed. Just be sure that your fiance is as committed as you are to helping out. I think the greatest thing here is that you are under no illusions as to how difficult it would be both emotionally and financially. You should discuss with your fiance, that you would be willing to help with the emotional and hands on stuff, if he would be willing to perhaps find a part-time job to help ease the financial burden. Also, talk to the brother and see how he feels. Is this something he wants to do? If not, he could make it a WHOLE lot harder. Ask him if he would be willing to take on a bunch of responsibilites, such as helping w/chores and possibly getting his own part-time job when he gets a bit older. If you don't think it's going to work out, then don't beat yourself up. Your heart is in the right place, but there are realities and logisitics to be dealt with.
Wow that’s a big one, first you both should talk with the younger brother and ask him what he wants to do, make he feel he as a say in this, and set down the ground rules if he dose come and lives with the two of you, like he has help keep the house clean to taking out the trash washing the dishes on his night, keep up with his school work the list goes on and on it’s up to the two of you.
It's going to be hard on the two of you but you would doing a great thing for the young one, and in time you both would hope he see it, (it may take sometime so don't look for him to see it right away 5 10 15 year from now but he will) Will I hope this helped you a little.
Good luck and God bless you both
Its extremely noble of you to even consider the possibility. But what kind of home could you really provide for him? Since you're at school and your fiance is at work, who would supervise him when you're not around?
Just something to think about I guess.I really wish you and you fiance the best of luck.
I think that your fiances mother needs to grow up and take responsibily for her life and her children.It appears to me that you are struggling yoursef to get by. I would help the 13 year old by spending as much time with him as possible, but I would not take over the total responsibility. I do not know your fiances age but maybe you can encourage him to speak with his mother about her life style, even if she will not like it. You would be surprised on how telling the truth will sometimes affect people. Many times we enable people to continue their negative behavior and no one benefits from this.
WOW! Considering all the issues you have listed this poor kid needs a chance. Having said that, you must realize that parenting a teenager without the disorders is tough enough. You get the difficulties of the disorders on top of that. You haven't stated your age and the age of your fiance' but I get the feeling you are still young. This would be a huge test of your relationship. Since you are not really legally a part of the family (yet) your commitment to this is a moot point until you are. His brother (your fiance') needs to weigh this decision carefully, knowing that taking on the parenting of a sibling is a big responsibility. But I do think giving the kid a chance is the right thing to do. You and your fiance' may want to look into some parenting classes and counseling before you bring him into your home and before you become his wife. This will be a huge change in your lives, all of you. There will need to be a lot of compromise. If you are a patient, caring person (and I suspect you are since you've even considered taking this child into your home) you will be able to work through this. In the end you will realize what a great thing you've done in giving this child a chance to grow in a loving environment. Keep the lines of communication open at all times between all of you. Work together and make yourselves a team. Find people who can mentor you through this (support groups for parents and kids with ADHD, etc.). Kudos to you for wanting to give this kid a real life. If only more people were like you...
I think you should explore alternatives. While it's admirable that you want to help, you don't seem to be very well set up for it.
Is there an alternative? Perhaps a friend of the family can take him on a temporary or foster care basis. This might be a better solution. Particularly if you and your fiancee can spend time with him on a regular basis.
Adopt ? Wouldn't the father have something to say about it?
You have explained all the reasons your mother-in-law to be needs a break but what about you and your not yet husband ?
A 13 year old would be hard enough but DDD and ADHD added to it would be hard for any one .If you can move back home for a few months and let your Fiance's live with and handle his brother for now .Then if you are willing after you graduate to tackle this situation , When you are married go for it .At that point he will understand how hard it is to have his brother there.And appreciate you more .
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