How handle husband, who wants to keep helping 21 year old daughter who has lied about not working in college?

Question:

21 year old daughter has had 4 semesters' worth of chances to do well in business college. Has dropped classes and not been truthful. Doesn't follow through with college, wants to party. Was told last fall that she would have to exchange our decent used car for our other junk used car and wouldn't have any more college paid for up-front, needs to pay her own way. This we finally did one week ago. Now her father/my husband is afraid of treating her 'bad'; I am fed up and want to hold firm line. He wants to help her pay to get old car fixed, who knows what next. He says I'm "mean". I say he needs to be tougher. She is verbally abusive and manipulative; cries that she can't believe we are leaving her with 'nothing', she has no support, etc. I am afraid more than anything that she is never going to learn how to do for herself. She lives in apt. that we own; father didn't make her pay sec. deposit. I'm afraid he's going to forgive her rent, give her money, etc. How deal with him?

Answer:
She needs to straighten out and pay for things. She is a grown woman who is acting like she is 16. Tell her to ride the bus so she can afford her rent. Lazy bum.

Try your best to convince him. But she will always be daddys little girl.

Stand firm, your doing right by her, she needs to grow up and handle stuff on her own..
In time she'll thank you...
But be tough and be firm with him...
Say "enough is enough" she need s to grow up and we are not helping her do that by always cleaning up her messes...
Who will do it when you two are not around?
Nope, I agree with you, this girls old enough to deal with life on her own...

You need to stand firm..I mean my goodness..My 17 yo son is more responsible than that..
He goes to high school, works almost a full-time job, pays his own car insurance, fixes car when it messes up and pays his cell phone bill..He's a junior in high school..
Stay firm..don't back down..tell dad, she has got to grow up..

I have a sister kind of like this. If you don't nip it in the bud now your daughter will never amount to anything. She will never understand the value of a dollar and the self worth that is created when you have to earn it.

If your daughter wants to act like a child, maybe you should start treating her like one. If she can't afford her rent maybe she should move home. Make her pay for her own toiletries (Shampoo, conditioner, soap, toilet paper) and laundry soap. (This will help her understand where money comes from). Give her a curfew. If she has any credit cards or debit cards that you pay for, get them back and destroy them. If she breaks curfew, take her door off. If you want het to pay part of the bills and she spends her money else where, Take some of her clothes and make up away until she pays. I know it sounds almost impossible, but it isn't. You probably were not strict enough to begin with and that is why she feels so entitled.

You should tell your husband that you are really sick of the way he goes behind your back. You are supposed to be a team and he is letting the ball drop. Tell him that you love him, but the stress this is causing is hurting your relationship and you just want to work on your daughter so the two of you can be happy again.

How handle husband, who wants to keep helping 21 year old daughter who has lied about not working in college?

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