What do u think of this poem?
Question:
When I can’t feel the beauty at all
When the pain inside is blocking my mind
When my heart tells me something isn’t right
I speak to the moon but he doesn’t answer
His smile shows somewhere else lie the answer
Maybe I’ll go and talk to a friend who doesn’t care
Or search for a true love that will never be there
Maybe I’ll find a grieve in a tear
Washing away all my fears
Or go and listen to a good song
Before I get foolish and do something wrong
I manage to talk to a dark screen
Where every good and bad thing can be seen
Where people of every kind are there
Chatting about stupid things that I couldn’t bear
No one has the same interest
I wanted to have a chat to know I still exist
I left the stupid screen with pain and sorrow
And went to write something for tomorrow
Since no one seems to care
And they forget in one life we share
The pen seems to be the only thing
That speaks and talks to me
Through my words I know I’m here
And the moon smiles again
Answer:
Yes, very nice, you should try putting it to music, it has a certain lyrical quality about it with the repetition. Don't listen to the negative comments on here, it is very brave to paste your poem on here, and every budding writer has a critic, trust me!
its ok
honestly... it sounds like you just want attention in the selfish way or just trying to sound "Artsy"
it's is very sad, but quite well written!
it is an okay poem! what in your life is bothering you?
Its ok, Ive heard better though
its rambling and needs more 'edge' - make it slap the reader across the chops
Dude, I'm crying
it is a good poem.but can not be called a classic.
the first six lines' ends dont match!.although the rest of them do...if you practice, you can improve!
It is a bit simplistic and some of the grammar and spelling are off, but I like it. It flows and there is good use of metaphor and symbolism, yet it is still relatable.
hey if u have time chat with me ..promise it will help
sad.
also sumwhere the rhyme has been maintained.
word length varying,so more like a prose.
YOU ARE VERY TALENTED! KEEP GOING, for there in the distance, hidden in the darkness is the light that we all look for. you will fall from grace, and then, and ONLY then will you see the truth in what you have.
Hello poet,
I feel this poem is a first attempt at collecting your thoughts.
I have written poetry for many years and most times I do rewrites.
It is vital to get all your thoughts or feelings on paper
or they can be lost forever in seconds!
Attempt a more concentrated effort at efficiency of words.
Remember that rhyming shouldn't be the initial goal you go for. Truth in economy of words and clever use of words makes
a poem sing. Good Luck!
Lil
Touching and thoughtful.
it sounds like its about therapy all different kinds and that if you find the right on for you its healing
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