How is this fair?

Question:

My husband and I have a joint checking account, as well, as our own separate accounts. All of the money goes into the joint account and once all the bill are paid, at the end of the month, we are supposed to split what is left to have personal money. Unfortunately, I lost my job and this split didnt take place. I have been without any money for a month because everything has to go to paying the bills. I asked my husband if I could keep a portion of my unemployment check for myself and he said "no" because X,Y, and Z has to be paid. About a month and a half ago, he took out a pension loan to get the kitchen redone. He also brought himself a PS3, laptop and a 19" computer screen. I received nothing and when I asked him about it, he responded by saying, "its his money." How is it that he can go out and buy what he wants whenever he wants and I cant. Also, if I ever had a lump sum of money and didnt share with him or contribute to the household, I would be deemed selfish.

Answer:
I know my wife and I both went through brief periods of unemployment - but we work as our money is "one pocket" for both bills and fun.

My wife has been stay at home mom for the last 3 years so I am the sole "provider". That being said the last splurge we went on (that wasn't for the kids) was $500 for spring clothes for her, I even went shopping with her and helped pick out clothes for her. It was a way to let her get out of the house and do something she wanted to do for the day, and to make up for the extra bills I've been putting in extra OT at work. And I haven't once regretted it, after all she's still 100% my partner and wife, and it doesn't make a difference if she doesn't bring in a paycheck.

It was a long day (at least for me) but in the end she was really happy and so it was worth it. I guess what I'm saying is that for purchases in a marriage it doesn't matter what the % contribution is it comes out of 100% of the partnership.

It's probably harder when you're the one down on the cash to try to put it on an even level; but you need to let your husband know that money is coming between you two. And financial stress is a common reason that couples get divorced.

Maybe this will get his attention so you two can sit down and have a real heart to heart about how he has hurt you and how you two can get things sorted out.

he is not being realistic

He is being very unfair and not treating you properly as
his wife...He is technically abusing you...
You are his lover, best friend and companion through life..
Mother of this children, The other half of the whole...
The weaker vessel to be cared for & protected by the husband.

Hes only thinking of himself

Seems like you need to amend your financial agreement. A divorce takes care of that financial arrangement.
In a community property state it goes like this...what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine. Please note there is no gender specified in that statement.

Well, he was a bit childish to buy himself some "toys" with his pension loan, but with the way y'all had everything set up, you did have seperate "my" money's, and technically it is his money. My advice, when you do get another job, make sure that he is paying off the pension loan with only the money HE makes at HIS job(with the exception of half the cost of the kitchen re-do, since that went to the household). Also, he DID contribute to the household with his "lump sum", he fixed y'all's kitchen up with it. Remember, you deciding that splitting the money up after all the necessaries were paid is what gave both of you the "my money" attitude.

This is going to sound really bad, but take 20$ here and there, hide it and that is your money. i did this when I was out of work, he didnt notice the money missing because of the bills being paid. In the end of the month I always had a hundred or so to do with as i please, but i just kept saving it up until i got a job, then everything was ok again. No its not fair, but finances never are. Esp in marriage.

How is this fair?

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