Wat do u think of this poem?
Question:
Who will I talk to?
When I can’t feel the beauty at all
When the pain inside is blocking my mind
When my heart tells me something isn’t right
I speak to the moon but he doesn’t answer
His smile shows somewhere else lie the answer
Maybe I’ll go and talk to a friend who doesn’t care
Or search for a true love that will never be there
Maybe I’ll find a grieve in a tear
Washing away all my fears
Or go and listen to a good song
Before I get foolish and do something wrong
I manage to talk to a dark screen
Where every good and bad thing can be seen
Where people of every kind are there
Chatting about stupid things that I couldn’t bear
No one has the same interest
I wanted to have a chat to know I still exist
I left the stupid screen with pain and sorrow
And went to write something for tomorrow
Since no one seems to care
And they forget in one life we share
The pen seems to be the only thing
That speaks and talks to me
Through my words I know I’m here
And the moon smiles again
Answer:
oh my gosh, thats beautiful, very deep, but i understood.
It needs more sensory detail. I wasn't feeling it. It looks like your friend is trying too hard to create rhyming couplets, and is not focusing enough on the topic of the poem. Every other line doesn't make sense except to complete the rhyme scheme. The English is also ackward at some points, like your friend is just trying to make everything fit. Not to mention, there is a lack of rhyming at the end. It is not a horrible poem but I would not buy your friend's work.
I liked it. Very nicely written. Although, some parts were a little, uneeded almost. the whole chatting part (Chatting about stupid things that I couldn’t bear
No one has the same interest
I wanted to have a chat to know I still exist) is okay, but if she takes it out, the poem can still mean more to more people, and its still as good. i really like the moon parts. tell you friend nice work. keep writing.
i thought it was very profound, very personal forgive me for saying this but as someone who has written poems as well i feel i understand where this person is coming from,as i live on my own with very few friends,and no family to speak of.tell your friend to keep up the good work and try to get it published somewhere.can i suggest trying here as im considering sending some of mine to these,www.unitedpress.co.uk.
Well a lot of talent there and to me, that friend has something pretty great, to express himself/herself in poetry or writing for "the moon smiles again".It is very deep and a lot of emotion, great way to express yourself!
Nice. A little sad but definitely nice. Don't like the chatting part,though...
More Questions & Answers...