I need some help from transgender individuals?
Question:
P.S. I am not some sexual nut, just got some honset questions about your mind set
Answer:
What does it feel like to be "trapped" in the wrong body? Hmm...let's see, first of all, I never liked that euphamism of being "trapped in the wrong body". I think that's the only way NON transgendered people could kinda come to terms with what it's like though. I never felt "trapped" in the wrong body though. I adapted to it. I never really LIKED it though.
I am a female to male transsexual. I was born a female and am now currently in the transition process of becoming male. I have not had surgery yet, just 2 years of testosterone hormones. I guess for me, what it's like is instead of being "trapped in the wrong body" think more along the lines of going out every day in a silly Halloween costume, even when it's not Halloween. That's kind of what I felt like. You get perceived to be one thing because of the outer appearance and that's how people judge you and perceive you. They go based on appearances. Yes, I know it's shallow and very presumptive, but that's unfortunately the way the world works.
It's VERY hard to live your life as a transsexual. First you have to deal with these inner feelings of just KNOWING something isn't right and coming to terms with what exactly that IS that's going on inside you. For some people, that takes MANY MANY years, because being able to realize that deep of a level of self introspection is not easy. There's still NON transgendered people that I know these days that STILL have a problem figuring out exactly who they "are".
It also takes a lot of patience. Trans people have to deal with so much crap from society, especially in regards to undergoing the transition process. How would YOU feel knowing that you have to have someone else tell you "ok, yeah, I think you really ARE a girl/boy, so I'm going to ALLOW you to change"? I mean, when did I lose control over my own life and my ability to make my OWN decisions? That's what we have to deal with, because many trans people have to see a psychiatrist first to get a letter of recommendation to begin hormone therapy. So, basically, we have to get "permission" to transition, which I think is a bunch of BS.
Also, a trans person has got to be VERY thick skinned and very resilient. Granted the female to male transsexual generally "passes" very well,and blends into society with a LOT of people never knowing. (I've passed 100% for about a year now. Straight females, straight men, gay men, gay females none of which would know unless I told them) However, male to females don't always "pass" so easily. So they get a lot of verbal and sometimes even physical abuse. The abuse stems from homophobia though, not transphobia. Because these people who make fun of the male to female trans person, once again ASSUME this girl was once a gay man and is crossdressing. It's the "gay" part of it they don't like, not the trans part.
There's been many male to female trans people that I have seen that have it very rough, because their families disown them, they have a very hard time finding employment (because they still dress as female but may not LOOK presentably female) Some risk losing their marriages, their children, their job as I mentioned, and many other things. Do you think that's fair? That a person loses their whole life foundation simply because they made a decision to live a life that they know they'd be much happier in?
If your friend who declared "his" love for you..(also I don't know why you put "his" in quotations. This is the person's gender identity, and if you're "his" friend, you need to respect that and refer to your friend with the proper pronouns. He is he, there's nothing special about the HE part, he's just a special person). So, I'm not sure if you're referring to a female to male transsexual, or a male to female transsexual, but...I'm going to explain it to you the same way I've explained it to other girls that have rejected me once they found out I was born a girl.
Gender Identity is personal. It's the way the person feels they are in their mind. They are simply making the body match the mind. I would much rather be perceived by society for what my mind says I am, than how I look on the outside. For a lot of people, what we wear and how we look is NOT a true representation of the kind of person we ARE. And also, you nor I can change other people. I used to get a lot of "so if I date you, what does this make ME?" It makes you what you've always been, because MY decision to transition is just that. MY DECISION. It doesn't change YOU at all. It doesn't affect who YOU are, and it sure as hell isn't going to change your sexual identity or sexual orientation. Only YOU can decide that. It would be like me saying "I'm goth" or something and wearing only black and just looking like your typical goth person. So, if you hung around me, would that make you goth? No. Only you can decide if you want to change that identity about yourself? Get what I'm saying? I had a lot of girls say "well if I get with you, I won't be a lesbian anymore". That's not true. Just because she's with me, doesnt' change the fact that she's sexually attracted to females. If we were to break up, does that mean she's only going to date FTM people from now on? Probably not. She's probably still date females. So, I have not changed her sexual orientation.
Just be there for your friend. He will REALLY appreciate it. Trust me. There's been many times where I've felt VERY alone in this process, because there's not a lot of people that can TRULY relate unless they are going through it. I get frustrated with society, I get angry, I get depressed because people still call me "maam" on the phone (I still have a slightly feminine voice). The BEST thing you can do for your friend is kinda put blinders on and NOT look at the outside shell , but look into the MIND of your friend and you will see that what they are feeling is VERY valid. Your friend will start displaying more of the typical male or female traits they felt they SHOULD be expressing the more comfortable they are around you.
Good luck to you!
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