How should i approach my husband about his hiding a notice of foreclosure from me?
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Answer:
Ummm... how bout taking over paying the bills and managing the money?
Get insurance on the house, have a talk with the bank and make arrangements to get caught up. Most banks would rather work with you on the payments then forclose on the house.
Frying pan!
Your husband is an idiot and will destroy your life. You might as well realize it and file for a divorce. Nothing good can come from continuing this relationship.
sounds like drama. you know you're in default, and now you;re worried about foreclosure?
worry about finding a job first.. maybe you can contribute to bills next time.
He probably doesn't want you to worry about it, which is why he'd keep it secret from you. My guess, anyway.
Perhaps you should be talking to a lawyer about this.
The better question is what is he doing with the money you put in the account to pay the mortgage.
Get a lawyer, I see a divorce in your future.
First I would be wondering why he isn't paying it. Does he have a gambling problem, drug problem.. some other problem that he is spending the money on instead of the house and insurance? You've got to get to the bottom of this before you can even know how to approach him or deal with it.
If you can try to talk to him and find out where the money is going. Don't do it in anger either... let him know you are his wife, his partner. that you two can get through anything together and that you are here to help him. But you can't help him if he doesn't tell you what the problem is. Once you find out then go from there.
I would guess he is not telling you because he is afraid to hurt or disapoint you, he feels like a failure, he is doing something he is ashamed of and doesn't want to tell you.
Find out why he hasn't been able to pay it and go from there.
Tell him you know about it and that you love him just the same no matter what! Then let it go. Move to a homeless shelter and start over.
He is probably feeling failure at this time. Comfort him, if you really love him. These are trying times. If your marriage means anything, tell him. You guys were in over your heads apparently. Not either of your faults...just the way it is. Sorry.
Well... this is really hard, and could mean a lot of things. the first obvious one is that you guys need more communication...
YOU ARE TOGETHER! that is reason enough for him to tell you what is happening with the house... besides you are putting money and effort as well. so confront him and ask him what is happening.
Sirena,
Have you thought that he is just embarrassed that you guys are now about to lose your house? I understand that about 2 million mortgages in the "subprime" market are going to default this year. You guys got in over your head and now you are going to lose your house unless you come up with some money fast.
Unless he has some sinsiter plot; you need to sit down and figure out a solution. You need to call the bank ASAP. If you talk to them they will be more willing to negotiate than if you ignore default notices. Good luck!
I'd be smokin' mad... I don't know what I'd do. Is he keeping some woman on the side? Is he supporting another family? Does he have a drug problem... Where IS this money going..You need a private investigator, hon, or an attorney to find out where all this cashola went... This kind of stuff is a marriage dealbuster for sure.
Sweet Pea thisis is a very serious matter. I mean you are about to loose your home and he avoids you no,it is time to really pay attention to your marriage and the finances. Don't ever be so caught up into just living that you can't see the tell tell sighs of what is really going on. How in the world does 4 months go by and you didn't know anything about it. I suggest you do a little investigation on every part of your marriage life and I guarantee you will come up with alot more than just an unpaid mortgage. it is not right and it is not fair to you and the family. You have got to set boundaries and be over the finances from now on! Were is all the money he didn't use to pay the mortgage? Does he have any habits or other lifestyle changes you don't know about. Do more investigation immediately! Good luckmy dear and keep your head up!
Sounds like he is spending your money on either another woman, drugs, gambling or another addiction. I'd do something to protect my money NOW before he spends it or defers it some place else. Due to the fact that he is avoiding you, he is up to no good. If things were legit with him, then you guys wouldn't be in a financial mess. You need to get your butt out of the clouds because how did you not know that he'd been to court or things were in an upheaval even if it was his responsibility as you say. No way should one partner have total control over any aspect in a marriage or relationship.
I would definitely sit him down and put my foot down and demand the answers. Honesty is what saves and makes a marriage, no withholding things from your mate, that is important for both, this was not a good decission on his part and you deserve some answers. He should take his responsibilities.
there is no way ov doing this but he probably isnt gonna tell u the truth anyway and right now u need the truth! so i would make him well aware that i know and i would go and talk to the lending company and find out what can be done if anything and go from there to see if the house can be save . and then after that if there was anything to be save from our marriage i would close the joint account when its ti me to pay bills they would go threw me and he would have to lay his half down on the table and i would do the rest. but if there is this type ov lieing going on i feel that u may have only scratched the surface ov ur problem u may need a good divorce lawyer good luck!
go to the mortgage company; find out exactly what is going on. if you work, do not let him have access in any way to any of your money. go to a bank and open your own account he cant touch. if you let him handle the bills and he is doing this you need to open your eyes and be very direct and find out exactly what is going on. its go time. thats right. go to his father and find out exactly to the penny the father has invested in your home. go to the bank and in person find out how much is in all your accounts. try to limit his access to this money. if you have credit cards, do the same. are you able with what money you and he have able to hold on to your house? ask him directly if he cares to keep making payments on your house. ask him directly if he wants to sell. does he have other things that he lies about to you? are you sure he has a job? that he doesnt have a drug problem? he sounds like he is mad that mommy caught him in a lie. bad bad sign. find out what the court docs from feb mean and what happened. part of this is your fault, for not knowing what is going on in your own mailbox, receiving mail and notices well,,,, that is your job to know about these things. obviously you cant trust him again, you will have to take over the money. and here is the thing, if he fights you tooth and nail, if he attacks you for wanting to pay your bills with sanity, well, if he thinks that is wrong, he is mr. wrong. for you.
hey all you can do is accept your lost and move on with out him that's all
He's ashamed.
Beat his *** and throw what's left of it out the door.
Now that you know the truth just leave him alone to his conscience and find ways and means to settle the debt even if by instalments on a monthly basis or whatever.
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